Posted by: The Saffa Mom | April 4, 2012

Day 3 of the Blogging Honesty Challenge (saving yourself for marriage?)

Day 03 — Regardless of my current status, do I believe a person should save themself for marriage…

Yes, yes, yes and just to make sure that you actually read me- YES!


Don’t get me wrong, I do not come to that conclusion because that is what I did….. I come to that conclusion because that is what I did not do!

I lost my virginity to a man that was out for a thrill- he got it. I was young and desperately wanting to satisfy someone. The thrill of an older man wanting me- just threw me over the edge. He then told people that I wasn’t a virgin! What a schmuck! I don’t know what I thought was going to happen…perhaps he would tell me how absolutely devoted to me he was? Perhaps I was every man’s dream? Maybe, just a little cool? He didn’t. Terrible story that I hope I never have to tell my Princess.

More years. More men. More dreams. More reality slapping me in the face.

My year abroad (I am sure that one day we will get into more juicy detail) was completely wild. I lost all control. Had no inner ambitions. Everything was out in the open. I was on a mission to defy everything my parents had done in bringing me into this world and trying to make me a good person. I did way too many shocking things, and to be completely honest- imagining my princess one day doing the same thing breaks my heart.

My first marriage was founded on a sexual relationship, which evolved into love and companionship. The sex became a chore, and who can have a marriage based on friendship when you have a life time ahead? Eventually we stopped sleeping in the same bedroom as I could not handle his snoring and I was long past an intimacy. I can remember exactly when My Princess was conceived, because we did not have a sexual relationship anymore. I was still not a Christian. Is it necessary to point out that I am now divorced?

My knight and I are now celibate. We did not start off this way, and so in fact- it has been a lot harder for us to choose that route.

Although we are completely committed to each other, we are not yet married and we have not made that covenant in front of God- yet. When we do get married how special will our sacrifice have been?

Growing up I questioned God on a continual basis. Christian was not a word used by my family or I, and I did not know what belonging to a church meant. I am now very active and in desperate need of God and His grace. It’s the sinners that need Him. It’s those that are far from perfect. People just like me.

I see His reasons for wanting you to save yourself for that one person. How much more special will that act actually be? How much more stronger will your commitment to each other be, imagine knowing you have conceived your children in such a special place reserved for one person.

Would we not all be far more disciplined in life, if we could practice discipline in this one area?

(Forget discipline- if we had less choice and less to compare ourselves with, would life not be so much simpler?)

I do believe that every person that you sleep with has a little piece of you- you are tied to each other.  They will always be present in the bedroom until you break those soul ties through prayer. They will influence everything you do, without you realizing it, and become a part of your relationship.

God is somewhat logical too. All unwanted pregnancies, and disease would be removed. Worries that eat away at parents would not exist. So many families would not break up. It would remove so much unnecessary hate and abuse.

How do we do it? My knight and I? How do we live together and not get ourselves stuck (into each other)? As soon as temptation arises, we stop! Sometimes it is I, and sometimes it is my knight- but it is always one of us.

The thing about putting yourself in a tempting situation is that it is never safe. You are never guaranteed of making the right choices. Generally you will give in. So rather than push the limits, and push the limits- to where you may never return- do not allow yourself to even look down that road. As soon as it starts- stop! Leave the room! Simple actually.

Our motivation is not only the fact that we want something so incredibly special once we completely give ourselves to ourselves, but the fact that ultimately we know that we can not expect God to bless us, our relationship and our lives with His promises if we are not able to sacrifice for those according to His will.

No one said being a Christian was easy. I am a terrible Christian, and that is why I need Jesus even more. It is hard! But this small amount of time in which we did sacrifice will not be much one day, only that we did. I have many other areas to work on. Trust me- (I repeat) being a Christian is hard.

Yes- wait until you meet someone who is prepared to commit to you completely before you sleep together. After that commitment has been made. After you are married. Sex is something you work at.

I do not think many people honestly enjoyed their first sexual experience. It is awkward, and to be honest everyone is a little unsure. I hear people talking about being compatible in the bedroom, and the fact that you need to know whether you are.

NO. What you need to know is whether you are compatible with each other as people. You need to know that you respect each other, and that you are able to communicate well with each other. You need to enjoy each other as people. You need to know that you both think similarly on a spiritual level. You need to know that you both have plans for life that will fit into each others. These are things that you need to know.

If you have that- the sex you have with each other will be beautiful, even if it takes a little bit of communicating before you get there.



  1. I am glad you two found each other. You seem perfect for each other. 🙂

    • Is anyone perfect for someone else? Lol. I don’t think so. We just seem very dedicated to working through those imperfections. Relationships are really all the same in the end. They require dedication, and hard work. Grass needs to watered everywhere you go- right? x

  2. I’m happy for you and your realizations 🙂 God bless!

    • Took a long time to get there though. xx

      • The important thing is you DiD ü

        • NO…..but i am now. Trying to do it all over again. lol.

          • lol go for it!

  3. Being Christian is hard – very difficult but I am happy to see that you have been successful in sticking to your convictions! Lord knows it isn’t easy especially for teens these days.

    • I think teens are exposed to too much too soon. If i could wrap my princess up and expose her to a good ten people- I would haha. Okay- maybe not that bad but i do worry about everything i hear.
      Just keep on doing your utter best- right. x

  4. You’ve been through a lot but I adore you and I believe you’ve become a better person! God Bless! 🙂

  5. All I can say is Wow! A lot of honesty there…and I sense more to come. God knows your heart. I am glad to call you friend and sister (even with my flirtations!)
    I disagree with Tom…being a Christian is easy…living the Christian life is hard. It is not for wimps. Saying you are a Christian and living it can be totally different.
    I believe a person should save them-self for marriage. That is the best plan. Does it always happen and does it always fail? Two questions with many different endings. It can’t be said only one way works…but there is a best way.

    • I think That is what Tom meant though. I agree with you on all counts there Harold. And yes, there is a best way. Often we only realize that in Hindsight. xx

  6. […] Day 3 of the Blogging Honesty Challenge (saving yourself for marriage?) ( […]

  7. […] this please visit my introduction on the Blogging Honesty Challenge here, and see Day 1, Day 2 and Day 3. It has been good fun, so if you keen to join make your way over to Tom Baker’s site and sign […]

  8. […] started please do visit Tom Baker’s Blog,and my Introduction Post, as well as Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, and Day 4′s questions (which were much cleaner- lol). I am a little behind, but still […]

  9. […] did with a friend of his. See my introduction- if you haven’t yet, and then see day 1, day 2, day 3, day 4, day 5 and day 6.  Who can we share this […]

  10. What a wonderful story! My wife and I saved ourselves for marriage and don’t regret it one bit. It’s great to hear of the impact of God on your life and marriage.

    • Still awesome to hear stories like that. x

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