Posted by: The Saffa Mom | March 29, 2011

Surprize!! My EX is still a douche.


Where did i come up with that title?

Today, since this blog is some-what of a diary for me, I want to express what an absolute schmuck my EX actually is. Just grates my every nerve.

I know that so many of you will be a little upset that I decided to use you as my outlet, and I know that so many of you wish that I would just step back and review the situation, and perhaps try to contemplate why he is such an absolute ass…… And that i should perhaps rather be praying for more patience…. so I am sorry. Perhaps you can all pray for me?

A few weeks ago, I packed a book into my daughter’s bag, and asked my EX to read it. I then suggested that his cherry read the same book. I was not suggesting that this was or could take place, however I was trying to get the small-minded butt to see a bigger picture. We live in an evil world, and need to be conscious of that.

The book was by Candice Derman, called Indescribable.  Simply: it is the harsh reality of how she is abused since the age of 8 by her step father. She has written it as if she was still in the mind of a child. It is an extremely thought provoking read, and i would recommend it to ANY parent.

Well, EX does not read. So perhaps I should have realised that I was asking for a miracle. 

Yesterday…. he dropped my Princess off at the office, and stated (very matter of factly) that he would under no circumstances be finishing the book. He started, “and don’t need to read crap like that. Things like that don’t happen.”

It was not the time and the place to tell him that he was being an ignorant ass! (my office is open plan, and i think THAT would have been a little harsh.)

Clearly in my EX’s head we live in a perfect world! Nothing bad could ever take place. 

Denial is a problem in this society. We all think no one is going to do anything to our precious little girls (or boys), that we forget what a sick society we actually live in.

My intentions were not to make him question every single person’s intentions, or over analyse everything and drive him insane…… but merely to be conscious of the fact that this is not a perfect world.

I am still a little irritated…. xx



  1. Sorry bokkie….sadly with his mindset of “it will never happen to me”, when something like abuse does happen in his world, it will break him into thousands of pieces, coz a sorry doesn’t fix it….hugs

    • Someone else did mention it.. so perhaps i should see it like this- I opened a door!

  2. You tried, despite already knowing what he is like, I’ll give you points for that.

    • yah to points!!! do they come in brownie form?

  3. one of the hardest things for a ‘normal’ man to realise is that theye are others who will behave in ways they would not contemplate themselves.

    it’s sometimes the reason these things are not recognised, nor are the child’s stories followed up.

    the only way is to get him to meet men and women who were abused as children

    • Thanks for that. You right- perhaps through meeting people, he will realise that this world is one filled with terror.

  4. Interesting tidbit for you, the organization that I work for has an event in SA coming up and I thought of you! Sometimes I wish I travelled more for work, I might of had a chance to fly to SA… One day I will see Africa 🙂

    As for your ex – all ex’s are douche bags, that’s why they’re an EX 🙂 Ha ha! I suppose your blog is like a virtual coffee shop, where you can gripe about anything and we’re here chillin’ with you, sipping on mocha or tea! Get it all out bokkie 😛

    • This most definitely has become a virtual coffee shop for me!!! I woudl chosse a Chai steamer though- fallen in love with those.
      Had a look at the link….. dont think i will be visiting that one. Haha.
      I hope one day you will see Africa. It is just a heavenly place at times.

  5. I know where you are coming from…have 2 ex-wives. Alot of people do live in denial & won’t accept things or help from anybody! Don’t apologize for writing what you feel! That’s what makes it good!

    • Unfortuantely sometime our writing can offend. I have noticed taht so many people stop commenting, perhaps even reading. I always wander if i may have said something offensive, that made them think differently about me.
      Thanks for that vote of confidence though!!
      PS two ex wives…. lots of baggage?

  6. I am going to be the devil’s advocate and say he wasn’t so much of a douche for not wanting to finish the book but a guy who does not want to think of the worst. YOU thought he should read the book but HE is not ready for for it. Could he have handled the return of the book better? Absolutely but you cannot control him or inform him of what he is not ready for.
    What you might have done is open the eyes a little so he is peeking but not dealing – yet. Atleast he read some of it. That should be your victory.

    • You made me think quite differently about the whole thing! Better. Thanks.
      I guess that is something i have grown to love here in the virtual world…. people’s opinions often help tremendously. Perhaps God confirming what we already should be feeling.

  7. Hey, if you can’t sound off in your own blog where can you?! Just be ready for any replies. I hear ya on this one. It has happened within our family group 2X! At least he read some of it so he got a squirt or two (sorry couldn’t help myself). You can’t make him do anything, but good try. Maybe next ask him to read something so you could discuss it with him and get his opinion. He might read more then. Gotta word your request just right. We all (men) want to be heard.

    Does he think the news is made up!?

    • Forgot to say I like the picture. Don’t know what that says about me though! 😉

      • I wouldn’t tell anyone that. haha.

    • That is an interesting take on it. “Ask him to read it because i need his opinion.”
      Strange thing, when we were married, he was always on top of the news…. his general knowledge was brilliant. I guess that is why i was surprized. And irritated.

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