Posted by: The Saffa Mom | December 19, 2010

A silver lining for kids in divorce?

Thursday morning, my Princess’s dad wanted to see her to give her a good bye for the holidays…. he was going down to the coast with his “mrs” (well, technically his miss), and this year was MY year for Christmas.

When he drove away, he cried like a baby. (I was just grateful that it was my year, or I would be the one  crying like a baby.) It was really quite heart breaking. It just brought up the ugly reality of divorce. The consequences.

I attended a blended family workshop a couple of months ago, which I would highly recommend (whether single or involved ). I knew what my issues were at that stage…… however I then also realised what my “potential issues” could be. (Quite scary actually). The people attending the workshop were from every type of blended family that you could ever possibly imagine, in fact, some I never did. Everyone had “their” issues.

My issues were the fact that I was divorced 3 years, a mom, and  involved with my knight, who has no kids.

BUT I was now part of another blended family, which I actually didn’t think about until that morning. My mom and dad had very recently split, and my dad had started a new life with a new blonde bokkie.

The workshop dealt with many of the thunderstorms that come with divorce, especially for the kids….. living in two different homes; two different routines and set of rules; two different sets of values and moral standards!!! Two different routines? (When you actually think about that, it could be quite chaotic). “Is my princess allowed to jump on her dad’s couches, and that is why she forgets that my couches would cause hidings? Is “no” a negotiable term there, and here a definite wall?

It is just a pretty morbid topic on the whole.

BUT yesterday morning, while doing my thing, you know the girly stuff, it came to mind that there are really some awesome positives!!!! We could find things to appreciate!!!!

(courtesy of chinaenvironmentallaw.com)

1. Double the amount of love.

People fall in love with kids. It is inevitable. Kids cause happiness, and love to flow. Yes, sometimes it takes a little longer….. but if all parties allow themselves- they fall in love. My princess is loved in two homes, she has the most important part of life- flowing all around her.

2. Double the amount of wisdom.

Maybe that is a huge generalisation…. my ex is only half wise. (HAHA).

Could you imagine having a problem that you could normally only approach two people about? Their views may be very similar since they live similar lives….. now you have a whole new set of wisdom, that could possibly show you a different perspective. A bigger picture.  

3. Double the amount of creativity.

We get tired and cranky as parents. Days can be long. Those outlets are necessary, especially for kids. Two ways of colouring, painting and drawing. Two ways of coming up with plans. Two ways of learning to express yourself. Two ways of brain storming.

4. Double the amount of holidays.

One family enjoys the beach, one family enjoys the mountains. My princess will have more holidays away, and more memories of beautiful times, and beautiful places.  

5. Double the amount Christmas Parties, Birthdays, and other Celebrations.

Life shouldn’t be about presents, or money- however it is a given. And let’s for the sake of finding the silver linings- make it a positive.

6. Double the amount of experiences.

She will do different things, because she has two different mind sets guiding her. She will have more fun, and she will see more photo moments.   

And

7. My princess will speak two languages fluently.

It is not ideal.

BUT it is my world, and so my princess (not out of choice) inherited it.

I need those silver linings- for her!!! She needs them. All kids need them.

This list in my head may turn sad times into happy times….. have you got some more?

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Responses

  1. WHAT IF (and it’s a big ‘what if’, I know) this is exactly the life your daughter (and you, of coursr) chose, before she even got ‘here’. It’s something I’ve been thinking lately–hmmm, my next post? I don’t think it’s as random as it seems. “The work” is in dealing with the cards you chose.
    Whoa… I’m deep– haha
    btw–your post is very tender hearted… your daughter is lucky she has a daddy that cares so much… and of course a mom like you! 😉

    • The worst- thanks for that! Yes, serious deep side to you…… And you possibly correct….think you should start exploring it for all of us in a post. The fact is that God knows every single one of our moments, lifetimes ahead. He turns the situation into one that will be good for us!
      Can’t wait for your post!!!
      X

  2. Seeing that you both love her- her life must be pretty fantastic. I know children with both parents who aren’t as lucky.

    • I agree….love is the MOST important thing any child could have. Then education, and good manners!! Xx

  3. I have a friend with two kids, who is recently divorced (~ 1 year). Seeing as I’ve never been through one it was hard to find words to console her at times. My best advice to her was to be the best possible mom she could be while the kids were with her, and don’t talk negatively about her ex (in front of the kids, rant to me all you want). Now instead of scowling at home, they are out and about doing fun things ALL the time. She might have taken my advice a bit overboard 🙂 My parents have been split up for over 10 years now, each remarried, I’ve inherited 4 younger sibblings in addition to my brother (at least I’m still the eldest! hee hee). Sometimes I wish I lived closer to know them better, they’re all kinda shy around me still. I feel like I’m supposed to be the older sister that I always wanted to have.

    Will your Princess have new sibblings in her life too?

    • That all sounds so chaotic….. That will probably be my new life haha. My dad already trying to make plans for me to meet potential step sisters….yah!!!

      Siblings for Princess? Well, I have had moments in which I think yes, maybe. But right now- I think no. It would already be a 5.5 year difference at least….. So they won’t really be friends…… And the thought of falling pregnant and dealing with the first 2 years- scares me!!

      You? Or is it just going to be your beautiful two?
      X

      • My litter of two is all I have for now. I know hubby wants another, but I’m the one who has to go through another pregnancy. Seriously, he might not survive another!

        XX Merry Christmas XX

        • Haha!!!! It’s a scary thought.

          xx Merry Christmas to you too…xx

  4. […] Highlight. Change the font. On with your life.Here is an example I have seen in freshly pressed. https://husbands4hire.wordpress.com/2010/12/19/a-silver-lining-for-kids-in-divorce/ Although, it doesn't look like the font changes. Only the bold, indenting, etc. It might have been […]

  5. Cheer Up. Hope you are doing well, I you parents do take full responsibility for the kid.
    And Merry X’mas in advance!

    • I thought my post has some pretty “cheery” things? It was meant to end on a happy note…. Merry Christmas to you too!!! Thanks for coming by!

  6. Being the daughter in a divorced parent situation was hard…beyond hard at times. At one point because they were in different states I was living 6 months with one and 6 with the other. It was a lot of moving and changing schools, but I definitely learned a lot about culture, and had some opportunities many will never have in their entire life time. It also made me appreciate my mother for all her hard work. I cant imagine life with out her and am very grateful for everything she has done for me.
    It will work out.. as long as you keep seeing those silver linings…
    Best wishes!
    Minka http://www.thestupidme.com

    • There we go….sounds like things were tough for you? I could never imagine leaving my little girl for 6 months?? How did your parenst actually cope? My hat off to you! Just keep looking for the silver linings….. Best wishes to you too. x

  7. I love that you see the sun shining and a blue sky – I think your lovely, positive attitude will always be a blessing for your princess. What a wonderful view, and so much love.
    Sunshine xx

    • Thanks for that- sunshine!!! we can’t always be super positive though, so we need to consciously make decisions.
      Bring some sunshine to heathrow now… Xx

  8. Add these positives…the patience of two houses, and the food selections of two houses.

    Merry Christmas – and glad you are spending it with the princess.

    • Shoo wee- those are good ones!!! Especially the food one.

      Merry Christmas to you too. Going to be fabulous. Xx

  9. Yes, I get to buy a new broom as I broke the old on in a temper with the Hare this evening… I guess that’s a positive. Merry Christmas and always good to look on the bright side of things!

    • I saw that…..at least you got a picture!!! xx

  10. At the moment I can’t comment. In the eye of the storm as it were …
    Just have a song running through my head … “If I could turn back time” (sung in best Cher voice while gulping a glass of Merlot)

    • If you could turn back time…what would you change? xx


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